Author: Mark

“If you’re reading this, you’re standing on my tits!” An epitaph placed on a gravestone

Sausage, Clapham

Special thanks to Boyd

“We’ll get there. We always do. There is always a solution to a problem. Teamwork is the reason for our success.”

Anonymous, Madia Vale

“Be yourself.”

Nicky, 29, Photographer

“Egg fried rice without soy sauce, is like a lady of the night without an STI, shouldn’t really happen….”

Lisa B

“The world over taxi drivers are the best immediate indicators of their city’s economy.”

Anonymous, City Worker

“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” Abraham Lincoln

Calum, Telephone Store Manager

“If you knew everyone’s story, you would love them.”

 Kate, 26, Digital Media

“Humour is the best way to make a serious point.”

 Nick, TV Editor

“Have the balls to do what most people moan about, e.g. resign from a crap job!”

Ian, Beaconsfield

“All good things are wild, and free. ” Henry David Thoreau

Anonymous

Driver: I’m curious now about the one you can’t remember

Passenger: Oh that’s the one I keep forgetting

Sophie

“If I wanted any more of your Irish sh*t, I’d stuff a shamrock up me arse.” (Dumping boyfriend)

 Meg, Risk Management

“Get the head right and the rest will follow.”

Anonymous

“It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.”

Alex and the boat people

“People who talk sh*t about you are jealous haters.”

“Cheers to the freekin weekend.”

Mckenna, Andrea & Kendall, USA (the above two)

“Many an old chicken has made a fine stew.” Said about the joys of older women!

Ray

“The business you don’t do is sometimes more important than the business you do do!”

Anonymous Chelsea

“Wherever you want to stop, stop!”

Seb

“Never argue with a fool, because from a distance, other people can’t spot which one’s the idiot.”

S.Q

The pig got up and slowly walked away

‘Twas an evening in October, I’ll confess I wasn’t sober,

I was carting home a load with manly pride,

When my feet began to stutter and I fell into the gutter,

And a pig came up and lay down by my side.

Then I lay there in the gutter and my heart was all a-flutter,

Till a lady, passing by, did chance to say:

You can tell a man that boozes by the company he chooses,”

Then the pig got up and slowly walked away. Benjamin Hapgood Burt

 Louise, Chiswick

“When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.” Jonathan Swift

Kevin, Chiswick

“If you don’t ask you don’t get…So if you start with nothing and you end with nothing, you’ve lost nothing.”

 Jamie Rickers, TV Presenter

“So that the church stays in the middle of the village.” Swiss-French saying for a compromise

Anonymous Swiss family

“Life’s for living and loving. Don’t forget, and try a little bit more everyday.”

 Craig, 41, Sales

“Good on the phone add four stone.”

George, 21, Sales